one of those days

Make sure you're seeing the whole picture --
with everything important in it

You know those days that seem to drag on forever and you desperately want them to be over -- even though that means that you'll have to face whatever dreadful thing the next day presents? One of those days where you have so much to do, and you don't know how you're going to get everything done? The kind of day where when someone smiles in passing at you you just can't muster the strength to reciprocate the smile? That's what I think what living in the moment is. Or, at least, one type of living in the moment. And, it happens to me much more than I would like. Today for example.

Today was one of those days. I left my apartment at 8:20 this morning and didn't get back until 8:30 tonight. Between classes, studying for my stats test, taking my stats test, doing homework, working on research stuff, this day has way too long. I still haven't done everything I should have, such as studying for my physics test, printing out my writing paper (and editing it...), buying my sister a birthday present (her birthday is tomorrow. whoops.), practicing organ, and probably other things too that I can't remember. Sometimes, the here and now feels overwhelming.

Unless I'm disciplined, I tend to focus on
what isn't as important in the long term

I consider myself a very future-oriented person. Most everything I do is because I'm expecting something good will come out of it... eventually. But yet, it seems like every day I have a list of things I need to do, and I have no sort of plan of how to do them. And generally, everything on that list focuses on what I need to do right then. Study for my test this week, pass off organ exercises that are due, finish physics homework and hand it in, make sure I reach five hours of work for my research job... Now that I'm in the midst of the semester, the farthest in the future I can seem to focus on (and act upon, not just think about) is a couple of days in the future. I might do my chemE homework a couple days early, or I might start studying for a big test the week before, but that's it.

Perhaps I need to refocus, and see how my goals and interests align with what I'm currently doing. Because really, focus makes the difference between the desired result, and something different all together.

just when I became a hexagon pro...

Orgo started moving really fast all of a sudden. I thought I had a pretty good handle of the material; after all, I was drawing hexagons like a pro! Only to learn that cyclohexanes aren't actually shaped like hexagons (I'll add pictures tomorrow...). Can you imagine my chagrin (hehe I can pretend that I'm a English-minded person) when I discovered that all this time that they had me drawing hexagon after hexagon, they aren't even hexagons? They're actually chair shaped, but they can turn into a boat, but because the boat isn't very stable, cyclohexanes usually switch between two chair conformations. But if they have constituents on the ring, they can actually have isomers, and then switch between the two, and it's all very confusing, as you might have guessed. 

This makes me happy, because I can draw hexagons really, really well

This does not. Chairs and boats are rather confusing. Thank you, chemistry

   
In someway I kind of feel betrayed. I mean, I've known for long enough that for every rule there are exceptions, and then exceptions to the exceptions, but really. Orgo has a way of crushing everything I learned in AP chemistry. Example: methane isn't an acid! Except for it can be. Never mind that the pKa is around 50 (aka it will almost never act as an acid), but it could potentially act as an acid. This phenomena is not unique to chemistry: it also happens in physics, and probably elsewhere too. It's all a big game, trying to figure out what is actually the reality of things (while not being overwhelmed with information).

Speaking of games... I played the career fair game today, even though as a freshman my chances of getting an internship (particularly through a career fair) are pretty slim. I got all dressed up with my sister's pencil skirt that had poor consequences for my shins (and severely restricts the stride of my legs. I will trade for a tie any day), printed out eight resumes, and gave out seven. It was... a little bit intimidating, since most everyone else had a good two or three years of schooling on me, and I don't have any standout experience yet. However, I did receive some lovely free stuff...

I also got a shoulder bag, which I probably will never use...

just keep swimming

Today was quite crazy. I left my apartment a little after seven this morning, and didn't get back until just past eight tonight. I went to a "breakfast and mingle" for chemical engineers and recruiters and it was super intimidating, because not only was I one of the youngest people there with pretty much no experience whatsoever, but I also lack the skills to know how to talk to people who could potentially hire me. But whatever, free food! And then after my morning classes ended I went to have someone look at my resume (which is, well... not convincing, to say the least), which ended up taking longer than I expected and I was late for the weekly forum, even though I told someone I'd meet them there.

Take that, and repeat it throughout the day. Trying to do stats problems that the teacher didn't really explain how to do (and dealing with integrals involving infinity that my calc II teacher didn't teach...). Learning about my research project which is basically bunches of computer programs that I don't know how to work with. Showing up for a club opening social a half an hour late just to take a cookie and leave. Doing homework, and then doing more homework.

And then, it's stuff like that that reminds me why life is good:

That's my eraser that I swore was gone forever yesterday.

It says, "beautiful" (!!!)

Still have homework I need to do, and I have two tests coming up this week that I need to start studying for, but, I feel hopeful about this week. All I have to do is keep my head above water, and I'll be okay. Well, happy Tuesday everyone!

aarrrghhhhhh

     Not too long ago, I attempted to go to "Dr. Solen's Last Lecture." He's one of the engineering professors here at BYU who is, presumably, retiring, and thus the "Last Lecture." My sources told me that the aforementioned lecture was at four o'clock in the Clyde building, which totally makes sense because the Clyde building is where everything engineering is. So I get there, and I'm all excited, and I find a seat. I look around, and I gradually catch on that this is not a lecture... but a class. For visual arts! But fine, I say to myself, I'll stay and broaden my horizons, or however you want to phrase it. I guess they have a different person talk every week, so I got the privilege of listening to guy talk about illustrating in the most gravelly and uninteresting voice ever. I honestly couldn't tell that he enjoyed what he did, but I might assume that he did... And then here's me:

Drawn by someone much more artistically talented than I

     But it's fine. I mean, really, how many times am I going to get this opportunity? Once in a lifetime opportunity, right? Except for 4:50, the time when I assumed the class would end, comes and goes. And I tell myself, I'll leave at quarter after five if it's not over by then. And then, miracle of miracles, the powerpoint presentation ends, and he's onto questions! Surely it will only be a few painful minutes more. What lies. Each answer is a dreadful, drawn-out response, and I silently cry to myself because my SWE (society of women engineers) opening social is supposed to be at five, and it's already past that, and I'm stuck in a room full of liberal arts-minded people as the sole voice of reason (being the engineering major and such). Thankfully, after twenty minutes of (almost) scratching my eyes out, the TA stands up, and keeps the lecturer from yet one more pointless five minute response that potentially would have put me to sleep had I not been so on-edge. Hurrah, it's over, and I'm only a half an hour late for my engineering thing! So I rush out of the room, neglecting my sister, who just so happened to be in that class (poor thing), to find my like-minded engineering people, except... they are no where to be found. Thus flew away my chances at free food and good company. Whyyyyy college, why. 

Drawn by the aforementioned person

     Alas, alas shall be my cry. Similarly, I missed my engineering mentoring meeting that included free ice cream because I was finishing a group homework for engineering. Why must free food hate me? And I really, really want to do all of these fun engineering things too, they are just not really working out for me at the current moment...