not a cookie cutter life

One of my friends gave me cookie cutters for Christmas... they're my favorite. There's three different shapes--star, heart, and flower--and then there's different sizes that all fit inside of each other. I tried to find a rolling pin in the store... but no luck. So I used a make shift rolling pin. And by that, I mean I used the wood thing used to stand up the paper towels. Anyway, in other news, I love the weekends, if only for the chance that they give me to sleep in and make cookies.

Using my roommate's instagramed picture because I'm too
lazy to go take a picture myself...

I've been thinking a lot about how the way that I react to different situations is a lot different than the way that other people do, and how I interact with the world differently than most people. How I can stay on campus from 8:30am to 10 at night... and then do the same thing the next day and actually get some satisfaction out of it. How sometimes I don't know how to talk (although I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who has trouble talking...). How I feel drained after interacting with people too long. How I know the names of about two bands and three actors, just because I'm not really interested in learning the names of people I'm never going to meet.

In my global leadership class lately we've been talking about personality types. My teacher had us take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), which determines personal preferences in interacting with other people and situations. It's interesting how our personalities can explain so much about why people do the things that they do. For example, I don't like prolonged social interaction because I'm an introvert.

I just want to say here that I do get out... sometimes. Tonight I went to a dance. And last week I did too actually. And then I went to a club... and let's just say it's not my thing. I just don't really like to be in big group settings. Lots of times they make me lonely, which might seem counter intuitive because if you're around lots of people you shouldn't be lonely... right? But not really. It's when I'm around all of these people that I don't really know that well and they're (presumably) having fun. And I'm not. And I feel like none of them will be able to understand me, and I can't ever find out because the music's playing too loud and I'm lost. One in a crowd.

Which is why I prefer small groups. I like to be seen as an individual. And I like to see other people as individuals as well, not just as their outward appearance.

Sorry for thinking so much, but the other day I was thinking about what high school students might aspire to I suppose to do when they're "crazy and in college." I'm sure you've already caught on, but my crazy is something completely different than most people's. My "crazy and in college" is more of a "crazy about college." It's not going half way. It's seeking out new experiences.

Just a bit of a side note on that, I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to be doing this summer, and I've been playing around with a lot of ideas in my head. I feel like this summer is going to be one of the last where I can really do whatever I want without feeling confined to getting an internship, or being financially forced into getting a job--or multiple jobs. Although a job is always nice. I don't care so much what I do or where I go so long as it's something new. I applied for some internships; I'll apply for some more this weekend. And then I've been looking at camp counselor jobs, and study abroad opportunities. I'm the type of person who really likes to have things planned out, and to not know where I'm going to be living in a little over three months bothers me, but I'm trying to embrace the uncertainty. Because most times life doesn't allow you to plan things out.

I feel like I've let this post go everywhere, which is really bothersome. There's nothing worse than a rambling post with no theme. But there is! I am different, whether by my personality or my experiences. And the same is true for everyone else. There are no cookie cutter people.

Unless, you know, there are a lot of cookie cutters. And they're
all really awesome. Then it's totally possible.

holidays are wonderful

See how productive I was this weekend? Although I made those before break. But still. Really most of the credit should go to the sunset though. Just want to say that I'm so direction oriented out here! Which is a little bit strange, because I back home I don't think I could tell you which way was west/north/etc. (I'm sure I could now though because I'm more aware of which way the sun moves in the sky). Anyway, I guess you can tell that the living room/kitchen windows face west (because let's be realistic, I'm not going to wake up early over break. Actually tried to, and ended up sleeping until ten...)

I wish snow could stay like this: beautiful but without the
harsh realities of its coldness. Not really a huge fan of my
runny nose and my numb fingers...

I really was surprisingly productive this weekend though. I won't bore you with everything that I accomplished, but I'm proud of myself. My homework is done, as well as some other things that I wanted to do. And I have gotten at least ten hours of sleep every night this week (except for Sunday night I think...). What a glorious feeling.

So I put a blocker on Chrome that only allows me to visit certain sites for a certain amount each day. I can't say that it's been very effective because I started using Torch instead of Chrome, but one time when I was changing the time limit the site scolded me and gave me this site to look at. If you're reading this, I have a distinct feeling that you might be procrastinating, so hey, procrastinate a little longer and read that article, and it might even inspire you to change your ways! I'm not promising anything though.

I can't believe that I essentially only have one more day of freedom and then I'm back in real life where I have to wake up in the morning, even if that means I only get six hours of sleep that night. Where I have to go to school, write papers, take tests (ugh, one last midterm this week). And where I have to start studying for finals. I am absolutely dreading my stats final because I have used Excel for just about every homework assignment we've had so far. ...And that's the way that the professor told us to do them.

I'm not counting down or anything, but nine school days and four days of finals left. 18 days until I get to see my family. 20 days until my sister gets married. 21 days until I get to go home. I am so excited. So, so very excited.

on happiness

So it's almost two in the morning on Thanksgiving day, and I'm sitting here at my kitchen table, completely alone, listening to Piano Guys (used to be listening to Christmas music but then everything started repeating...) on Pandora and working on my stats project. Wow, you say. Go to bed, and don't do homework anymore on Thanksgiving. Great advice, I appreciate it. Really.

But I'm not really that tired, and if I don't do some homework right now it's all going to pile up and the rest of my week is going to be miserable. Besides, I don't really consider it to be the next day until after I go to bed. Today (technically yesterday now) I slept in until two anyway, so it's not like I really need to go to bed right away. But look what I made! The cookies are chocolate with mint chips, and then Thanksgiving rolls, which are my favorite part of Thanksgiving dinner!

I am so culinary.

Even though I wish I could be home this Thanksgiving with my family and all my NJ friends, I have lot to be thankful for, as I'm sure you do as well. I've been thinking about being thankful, and being happy, for the past couple of days, and I've decided that the two are essentially the same. You can't be thankful for something while experiencing negative emotions like anger or envy. And if you're happy, then you ought to be thankful at least for the fact that you have a reason to be happy

Lately I've been watching a lot of Ted talks. I'm sure you've heard of them, and probably seen a couple too. They're better than the usual stuff that I watch on Netflix. Anyway, I got listening to a bunch of ones that talk about happiness, and here are some interesting points that were made:

1. The more choices you have, the more difficult it is to create your own happiness.
2. Happiness is an emotion of choice, not of circumstance. (Only 10% of your happiness can be determined from your external circumstances, the other 90% is determined by you.)
3. People are happier when they focus on the present (the task at hand) instead of letting their minds wander.
4. Happiness is more accurately is defined as a state of well-being; it is not just a fleeting emotion.

Ways to be happier:

1. Think of what you're grateful for.
2. Journal.
3. Exercise.
4. Meditate.
5. Perform random acts of kindness. (If you want to buy your happiness, here's how)

Notice that success isn't in that list; one of the people said the reason why success doesn't make us happy like we expect it to is because when we do achieve our goals, we redefine our definition of success, so we're continually striving to be better, never reaching "success"--or happiness. (For example, if you say you want good grades, all A's and B's, then once you get those grades you might readjust and say those aren't good enough. I want just A's. And so forth.) 

I hope that you finds lots of reasons to be thankful--and happy--this Thanksgiving.

oh Sandy

Lately it seems like I haven't been able to concentrate long enough to get a coherent post out. But this will work out... says me for the fifth time. Sigh.

I missed my good friend Sandy on her visit to the east coast. Looks like she had a good time with my family... 

Almost forgot how much greener New Jersey is.

Whoops.

Part of me is sad that I missed out on such an exciting event, but at the same time, I have found some extremely crunchy leaves here the past couple of days, and I don't know that I'd want to give that up. Then again, no school for a couple of days would be nice, and it probably would be good for me to not have power because then I'd be forced to go to bed earlier. Also, I wouldn't mind having Halloween postponed because I still don't have a costume. I think I'm going to go to DI (it's similar to salvation army) this afternoon and find something there. Man, in some ways I'm completely unmotivated. 

Day before last I was able to register for classes for next semester... Can't say that it worked out quite as well as I expected it to. I'm on a waitlist of 33 people for a class of 25, so that looks promising... And then some of the classes that I was planning on taking aren't even offered this semester, so my schedule looks a little bit different than I was planning for it to look. On the bright side though, I managed to avoid afternoon classes (other than my o chem lab, for which I'm on a waitlist of 55 people for). So now all I have to do is sit back and hope that everybody -- and then some -- drops the class sessions I want to take.

I haven't made any origami lately, or read, or practiced organ... and somehow I still need to go to bed earlier than I am. I mentioned the step study that I'm in before. Last week I went in so that they could update my pedometer, and found out that I was not actually reaching the 15000 steps I was supposed to, so now I have to figure out how to wander around more to reach that. It feels so pointless, trying to take the most ineffective paths to where I want to go, just so that I can take more steps. Maybe I wills start running so I don't have to feel obligated to take the longest path to wherever I want to go.