extraordinary

The word extraordinary has always confused me a little bit. I mean, if you're extraordinary then you're far from ordinary, and certainly not extra ordinary, yet to me it seems like extraordinary would mean just that: extra ordinary.

I want to be extraordinary. I don't necessarily want to be an extraordinary athlete or musician, but I want to be extraordinary as a friend, an engineering, a leader. So I'll set all these goals and kind of map out a game plan of where I want to be by the end of the weekend, end of the semester, in five years (I honestly don't think about anything past 5 years because I really don't know what's going to happen after that...). But yet somehow in my quest to become extraordinary I just feel extra ordinary. The hours are long, the pay is not good, and my boss is a grouch. Although not really. But this is about what my life has come to:

Ate breakfast on campus. On a Saturday morning.
After going to an 8 o'clock review session.
Story of my life right here.

I'm not saying this to be pessimistic, and school right now is pretty fulfilling and all, but sometimes it just feels like I'm a little disconnected from who and where I want to be. Malcolm Gladwell wrote in his book, Outliers, that success comes when there is a clear connection between effort and reward. I know there is. I know that everything will pay off eventually. But right now it doesn't always seem clear that spending painstaking hours on my chem labs or on my math homework will be worth it. I'll take it on faith, but man, it gets tiring sometimes.

But hey, long weekend! And in other news yesterday I was certified as an open water diver! It's funny how when I was younger there were all these things I wanted to do: backpack Europe, go paragliding (also wanted to build an ultra lite and then fly it...) and bunches of other things. I was just looking at the list of things I wanted to do when I was in 7th or 8th grade, and scuba diving wasn't on there although snorkeling was... scuba diving is pretty much snorkeling to the next level so I think I'll call it good.

Anyway, it's interesting how I came up with all these life experiences that I wanted to have, and getting into high school I honestly didn't think they would ever happen. How was I going to find the time, money, and people to make these goals happen? And somehow in the face of education my adventurous goals seemed unrealistic and impractical. Yet I've somehow managed to accomplish an appreciable number and will add quite a few this summer. I mentioned him before, but Randy Pauch is awesome and if you have some extra time you should watch his last lecture. In the post I linked to I mentioned that I didn't really think I could fulfill childhood dreams as I never thought I had any. But I think I already have. And am. Fulfilling childhood dreams that is.

If you're like me and think your life is extraordinarily dull and that what you're doing is entirely disconnected from where you want to be well... maybe you're right, I don't know. But remember the gap between extraordinary and extra ordinary is probably not as large as you think.

One ticket at a time, as case may be.

waking up

I used to always wonder how people could sleep through multiple alarms; how people could sleep in until three in the afternoon without even realizing it; how people could fall asleep in the strangest, awkwardest ways, even standing up. Now, I understand. Often, waking up is the toughest part of my morning. My mind becomes a fine-tuned calculator, ready to figure out precisely how much extra time in bed I can spend before I absolutely must wake up. My hand becomes quicker than a frog's tongue going for a fly in hitting the snooze button after the alarm goes off--the first time, and the seventh. As if waking up once isn't bad enough, sometimes I'll convince myself that taking a nap is a suitable compromise, satiating my ever present desire to sleep.

I don't know how I came to be in this sleep crisis, but here I am. I really do sleep enough; I consistently sleep seven to eight hours a day, but yet my body always cries for more. I thought it was just a college thing; you know, finding the energy to get off of the top bunk in the morning can be pretty tough. But then I went home for break (sorry I haven't posted in so long... it's one of those things where I couldn't compel myself to write anything even though I was never doing anything important and I always find time to post even when I'm super busy during school), and it was the same thing, except worse. Since there was never any time that I had to be up by, I'd become conscious around nine, only to decide that another two hours of sleep was much preferable.

I get it, it's break. But still. Seriously Jenalyn, get things under control. Spending half the day sleeping is a little bit... insane.

I think it was something that I read over break, but I was thinking about how horrible I am at waking up, but how there's not really any reason for me to be. Okay, sure, waking up is tough. But my toes don't freeze off getting out of bed. There's food in the fridge/cabinet for breakfast. I have lots of reasons to be really ecstatic about waking up every morning. But I'm not.

I wish I could look that adorable when I sleep...

And that's because it's easy to forget. It's easy to get caught up in the warmth and safety of the covers every morning, in their protection from the cold, from the harsh realities of life.

But just as waking up in the morning is essential, confronting challenges, exploring new possibilities, and taking the initiative to do something--anything--are also important. Often I find myself being lulled into a sense of security as I try to convince myself that a dull, monotonous job is the one I seek after, that busy work is the best kind of homework, all so that I don't have to exert myself mentally or physically. But I know that in the long run, I don't want to come home after a couple of easy classes to sleep some more. I want to be challenged; I want to have long days of classes and come home exhausted, but invigorated and inspired to think differently and be a better person.

So wake up. Take that leap of faith that the rest of the day is going to be better than the glorious hours in bed.