I'm off!

Just a day and a half ago I finally arrived home in New Jersey; in just over two hours now I'll be leaving again. Sometimes life really does move at lightning speed. It's crazy how that happens.

I don't really have a lot to say, just that going to Nepal by myself is probably one of the craziest things I've done. I'm sure I'll be fine, but there will be a lot of things that I'll have to deal with myself there that I haven't ever had to before--changing money, communicating where most people don't speak English or great English, finding my way around, etc. I'll be in pretty touristy areas so I don't think it'll be a huge problem but it'll definitely be something I'll have to combat, on top of adjusting to time differences, eating foods I'm not used to, and so forth.

But really, I'm so excited! My plane ride is... you guessed it! Just about 18 hours long. And then add on top of that the connecting flights and it's about a full day of flight time just on the way there, and over a day of travelling, even without the time change. So I'll leave this afternoon and then I won't get there until Wednesday morning. Part of that is because of the almost 10 hour time difference but a lot of it is also just because getting there is going to take a long time. Crazy.

Look at my cool new backpack! This makes me even more
excited for trekking. Also makes me want to trek everywhere.

Well, I still have a little bit of packing left to do so... I'm going to do that. But if I don't get a chance to post while I'm in Nepal (which is more than likely) there will certainly be pictures and so forth up when I get back so be ready!

it is finished.

Finals are over! At last. Which is not to say that this semester is actually over yet; look at my desk for one:

I honestly don't know how I'm getting anything done here.
All I know is that I don't want to clean up that mess, let alone
start packing up all the rest of my stuff. Wah.

Despite the fact that I have really been longing for finals to to be over it's kind of sad now, because with finals over that means that I actually have to get to those things that are important to do, but not super pressing, like figuring out if I have everything I need for Nepal, making sure I have a ride to the airport, packing all of my stuff, etc. Darn. Also, my friends (all two or three of them, hah) are starting to leave! So it's a bit of a bummer deal, but part of me knows that it's time for a break. It's always good to be exposed to the real world or even environments that you haven't been exposed to in a while--in my case, home. It'll be strange being around little kids all the time and having to tell people where I'm doing and for what purpose beforehand.

Here's two semester's in retrospect:

• I went on a couple of dates. Yes, it surprised me too.
• I became a certified open water scuba diver!
• I lived in a blanket fort for a month with four other girls. (Yes, it was awesome.)
• I have gotten less sleep and done more work on a daily basis than ever before.
• I finally learned how to properly play the organ. And I played in master class. It was kind of a big deal for me.
• I gained some weight. In case you were interested in knowing.
• I learned about how stuff burns! Research jobs are awesome. 
• I am currently preparing to get one of the lowest grades of my entire academic career. Which is not to say that it's bad, but it's still quite momentous for me. 
• I went to general conference in the conference center. Awesome.
• I took a total of 38 credits of classes. Probably not one of the wisest decisions I have ever made. But I survived honorably I believe, thank goodness.
• I met so many amazing people who I am going to miss dearly this summer! *sobs*

stopping to think

Okay. Okay okay. So there's a lot of stuff going on in my life right now--end of the semester for one--but I think maybe what's more important to address is what's going on outside my own protective bubble. Today there was a bombing at the Boston marathon. Three were killed and well over a hundred were injured.

I can't even imagine what would motivate something like this.

When I first saw this on Facebook I can't say that I was surprised. Not because I expected an event specifically like what happened, today, or in Boston, but just because it seems like horrible things happen all the time. Just think. Colorado movie theater shooting, Newtown, and others that I can't remember (or maybe didn't even hear about at the time). But does that lessen how terrible these events are? I would hope not, but yet I think often it does.

I am the first to admit that I get caught up, quite easily, in my life and all of my own needs. At college I think it's especially easy to do that, and with my busy class schedule, I hardly have time to do the things that I want to do, let alone to do other things that I should do but haven't prioritized. Like reading the news. That would definitely be a good thing to do. But back to the Boston marathon bombing. When I first saw it on Facebook (of course) I essentially disregarded it. And that's what bothers me. I didn't even think about it, even to think about my friends who are living in Boston.

Shouldn't I be able to recognize when something big has happened? Do several people have to tell me about it in order for my mind to recognize that this is something important that I should be aware of? It's tough because there is always stuff going on in life; the question is whether or not we allow ourselves to become too busy to stop and reflect.

I am the first to admit that I take way too much for granted: of course my family loves me, because they always have. Of course I can go without eating veggies, because I'm strong without them. Of course I can walk home when it's late and dark, because who'd rape me? Of course I can go to a third world country all by myself, because who's to stop me? Of course there's a life after death, because it wouldn't make any sense otherwise. I take my health, my education, my opportunities, my family, my faith, and so much more for granted but it's realizations like these and life itself pressing forward that makes me realize that what I have right now will not last forever, and also that other people often are not as fortunate as me.

I actually was thinking about this earlier when I was reading up on Nepal. The average per capita income last year was $625, which was higher than it has been in the past. Six hundred and twenty five dollars. Yes, it is a whole different world over there but I simply cannot even imagine living on that little. I barely even work and I make more than that in three months. So often it's easy to get caught up in the intense political fire that is prevalent in America and forget all of the really great things that we have here.

Dang these kids are cute.

It also makes me think that perhaps I'm not spending my money in the right ways. Who am I to throw around thousands of dollars on travelling the world when it would take other people many, many years to just earn that much money, let alone actually save it up? Sometimes my classes make me overconfident, making me think that I actually know something of some importance, when in reality some of the most important things are ones that book learning can't teach me, and to which the answers to can never be found.

Anyway, just some food for thought.

fighting fear

I think as humans we often tend to fear, and particularly fear the unknown. The future, the difficult, the unexpected and the unpreventable are all victims of our worry--and our fear. Anxiety can be good--if it motivates us to be better; however, often fear and self-doubt can lead to inaction, passively fighting against change. When this passive fight against change prevents necessary life progress from being made this seems to become somewhat counter intuitive, although sometimes I find myself falling into these traps as well. Shouldn't we be fearing more the consequences of our inaction than the consequences of our actions? Isn't the prospect of never getting a job worse than the thought of being rejected from various positions? Isn't the thought of just having to live without knowing enough to act as motivation? "It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed" (Theodore Roosevelt).

To me it's really amazing how much college changes things--I continually am presented with opportunities which I never imagined I'd be confronted with, let alone able to embrace. Most recently was my decision to travel to Nepal this summer for two weeks. A five day trek through the Himalayas. Sight-seeing in a foreign country--without my family. Over three days of flight time. I never would have imagined this, even just a month ago. But yet it's going to happen.

This is the view from Pool Hill (which I will be climbing this
summer) of some Himalayan peaks.

Am I scared? Of course. I hardly feel like I'm prepared in the most basic aspects, such as having a good backpack for trekking or broken in shoes, or being able to cover difficult terrain over extended periods of time, let alone feeling prepared for some of the tougher aspects. Dealing with a completely foreign culture, their people, and their language, and figuring out issues such as money, cold showers, etc. Handling international travel on my own and adjusting to time differences as well as altitude differences. Being without much modern technology which allows me to get in contact regularly with those I care about. Does it scare me? Yes, yes it does, but I can't--and I won't--let my fear talk me out of this great opportunity.

I have never been a procrastinator, and I won't put off foreign travel right now just because maybe I'm young, or maybe I should earn a little bit more money. To me it all comes down to the fact that I have no idea if I will ever be able to go to Nepal again. I might never have a chance to come across the great majesty of the Himalayas again. So I will put aside my fear and embrace the moment.

Quite simply, I am going to go.

a belated pi day post

Maybe it's because I'm a complete nerd or maybe because math is wonderful and has the capacity to be oh so very interesting, but I'm a fan of Vi Hart and her videos. If I had a guarantee that math would be as cool as she makes it seems in her videos all of the time, I would become a math major right now. But alas. It's not so. But Vi Hart has convinced me that tau is indeed better than pi. You're probably wondering what tau is. It's okay. I too once was ignorant of the wonders of tau. 

And if tau is not good enough for you, maybe wau will be. 

If she can't make you love math, I honestly don't know who can. Anyway, here is a picture of the rebellious tau cookies I made last pi day. Ironically I don't think I even remembered tau day when it came around. (Although I believe I was in France so I guess I can use that as some sort of an excuse...).

That's right. I'm going against you pi.

Despite the fact that tau is by far superior to pi, I'm still a fan of anything that allows me to embrace the nerdy. So of course I bought a pi day t-shirt. With the money I won from a bet with my math TA. Yes, I know betting is not the best. But he was insisting that no set of vectors could span if they were linearly dependent! I mean, it's obvious, really.

Just kidding pi. You're the (second) best.

Anyway, happy late pi day!

to be a hero

Man, it's been a while since I've been posted. I just get so caught up in my routines sometimes that I guess I forget to think about things outside of the upcoming test, or the paper or homework that's due the next day. I also sometimes forget how to give myself a break: to just sit down and read a book, or to write a post without being rushed. But really it's my fault; I heaped all this work upon me which causes almost everything else to fade into the background.

Anyway, last Wednesday I went the art exhibit "We Could Be Heroes" at the BYU MOA (yes, BYU does love acronyms). Although in my art history class I've been having a tough time trying to understand what an art work is trying to communicate, this art exhibit along with some of the comments which were made really got me thinking. Even if you're not an art person (like me), I would definitely recommend going to an art museum (even if it's not the MOA) and taking the time to go through one exhibit really slowly, trying to understand what the artist is trying to say and how it's applicable to you. After all, isn't that the purpose of art?

Okay. So about them heroes....

Yoram Wolberger

I think as people we have a tendency to look at the accomplishments of people and generalize those accomplishments in order to say something conclusive about that person. We take those accomplishments to be a microcosm of the person as a whole, even though we know that that is simply not true. Let me explain. As a totally random example, take the baseball player above. How many young boys (and girls) aspire to be like him? How many grown adults crowd around a TV screen because of a baseball player? But are aspirations formed to become like baseball players (or Steve Jobs, or Taylor Swift, or whoever it may be) because of who they are, or because of what they've done and the seeming impossibility of it?

Take a minute and look at the photographs and painting below:

Elzbieta Jablonska

Dulce Carmen Pinzon Barbosa: "Superman"

Jason Yarmosky: "High Rollers"

What my question would be is: Who exactly can be a hero? At least to me it seems to be a pretty tough call, because no matter how extraordinary someone seems to be in one aspect of their lives there always is some aspect in which they fall short of "superhero" status; although of course even superheroes have their flaws. I might suggest that there are two general types of heroes, one based on accomplishments and the other based on character. You'll get people like the Robber Barons of industry who were certainly extraordinary in what they did for American capitalism but were no means the most morally upright people. And then there's the people that are role models: parents, teachers, siblings, etc. who are extraordinary for their patience, their resolve in the face of difficulty, their integrity, and so forth but aren't necessarily well-known, and their accomplishments, while note-worthy, are not exactly that significant in the big scheme of things. Does there exist such a hero both in character and accomplishments? Perhaps. But I certainly can't think of any off the top of my head.

So, what kind of hero do you want to be? And is it worth it to have the accomplishments if we lose moral character? I think if you asked most people if they would be like Steve Jobs if they could, most people would say yes, at least at first. But although Steve Jobs is extraordinary in what he was able to do with his company, he certainly was not a morally good man. No one even wanted to work with him. To make a pop culture reference, Peeta told Katniss before the games started that the one thing that he was afraid of that the games would take away from him who he was. Maybe that's what happens when people become heroes of accomplishment. I guess really then, it's a question of what's most important to us. Is it about who we become, or where we end up?

Which begs another question, why do we have heroes? I know that I certainly don't want to be a hero; I would hate to have that kind of responsibility, knowing that my actions will directly influence the decisions of others. But yet we look to imperfect people to be our role models and create superheroes in our culture. Is the presence of heroes in our culture beneficial? Or, perhaps I might argue that it's harmful to compare ourselves to some type of end goal which we desire for ourselves without examining the in-between steps.

Jonathan Hobin: "Dear Leader"
He's supposed to be a representation of Kim Jung Il. At what
point do the games, comic books, and childhood aspirations
become reality? Where's the line between innocence and who
we ultimately become?

Anyway. Not to overwhelm you with thoughts, but I'm on a roll here. What about all of the violence that's portrayed in conjunction with superheroes? I personally think that the emphasis on violence comes because as people we want to see that our hero is one of action, not just of words, and the easiest way to show that is through violence. Without the action and the violence how are we to know that they are who they say they are, and not just all talk? The poster on the wall in the museum for the monsters section of the exhibit said, "heroes are heroes because they fight our monsters" (paraphrasing). So, would superheroes be such if it were not for the violence?

There's really so many unanswered questions here, and I think the only real conclusion that can be made is that, well, there are so many gray areas. So many squiggly lines that poorly define what makes a person great, or what it really means to be a hero. I don't know that I would be able to define what it means to become a hero, or that if I could there would be anyone--fictional or otherwise--who would be able to satisfy the assuredly unrealistic qualifications.

But, perhaps, in someone's eyes you too can be a hero. Although maybe not quite like Captain America. Or the Hulk. Or Wonder Woman. Or any of the rest of them.

extraordinary

The word extraordinary has always confused me a little bit. I mean, if you're extraordinary then you're far from ordinary, and certainly not extra ordinary, yet to me it seems like extraordinary would mean just that: extra ordinary.

I want to be extraordinary. I don't necessarily want to be an extraordinary athlete or musician, but I want to be extraordinary as a friend, an engineering, a leader. So I'll set all these goals and kind of map out a game plan of where I want to be by the end of the weekend, end of the semester, in five years (I honestly don't think about anything past 5 years because I really don't know what's going to happen after that...). But yet somehow in my quest to become extraordinary I just feel extra ordinary. The hours are long, the pay is not good, and my boss is a grouch. Although not really. But this is about what my life has come to:

Ate breakfast on campus. On a Saturday morning.
After going to an 8 o'clock review session.
Story of my life right here.

I'm not saying this to be pessimistic, and school right now is pretty fulfilling and all, but sometimes it just feels like I'm a little disconnected from who and where I want to be. Malcolm Gladwell wrote in his book, Outliers, that success comes when there is a clear connection between effort and reward. I know there is. I know that everything will pay off eventually. But right now it doesn't always seem clear that spending painstaking hours on my chem labs or on my math homework will be worth it. I'll take it on faith, but man, it gets tiring sometimes.

But hey, long weekend! And in other news yesterday I was certified as an open water diver! It's funny how when I was younger there were all these things I wanted to do: backpack Europe, go paragliding (also wanted to build an ultra lite and then fly it...) and bunches of other things. I was just looking at the list of things I wanted to do when I was in 7th or 8th grade, and scuba diving wasn't on there although snorkeling was... scuba diving is pretty much snorkeling to the next level so I think I'll call it good.

Anyway, it's interesting how I came up with all these life experiences that I wanted to have, and getting into high school I honestly didn't think they would ever happen. How was I going to find the time, money, and people to make these goals happen? And somehow in the face of education my adventurous goals seemed unrealistic and impractical. Yet I've somehow managed to accomplish an appreciable number and will add quite a few this summer. I mentioned him before, but Randy Pauch is awesome and if you have some extra time you should watch his last lecture. In the post I linked to I mentioned that I didn't really think I could fulfill childhood dreams as I never thought I had any. But I think I already have. And am. Fulfilling childhood dreams that is.

If you're like me and think your life is extraordinarily dull and that what you're doing is entirely disconnected from where you want to be well... maybe you're right, I don't know. But remember the gap between extraordinary and extra ordinary is probably not as large as you think.

One ticket at a time, as case may be.