extraordinary

The word extraordinary has always confused me a little bit. I mean, if you're extraordinary then you're far from ordinary, and certainly not extra ordinary, yet to me it seems like extraordinary would mean just that: extra ordinary.

I want to be extraordinary. I don't necessarily want to be an extraordinary athlete or musician, but I want to be extraordinary as a friend, an engineering, a leader. So I'll set all these goals and kind of map out a game plan of where I want to be by the end of the weekend, end of the semester, in five years (I honestly don't think about anything past 5 years because I really don't know what's going to happen after that...). But yet somehow in my quest to become extraordinary I just feel extra ordinary. The hours are long, the pay is not good, and my boss is a grouch. Although not really. But this is about what my life has come to:

Ate breakfast on campus. On a Saturday morning.
After going to an 8 o'clock review session.
Story of my life right here.

I'm not saying this to be pessimistic, and school right now is pretty fulfilling and all, but sometimes it just feels like I'm a little disconnected from who and where I want to be. Malcolm Gladwell wrote in his book, Outliers, that success comes when there is a clear connection between effort and reward. I know there is. I know that everything will pay off eventually. But right now it doesn't always seem clear that spending painstaking hours on my chem labs or on my math homework will be worth it. I'll take it on faith, but man, it gets tiring sometimes.

But hey, long weekend! And in other news yesterday I was certified as an open water diver! It's funny how when I was younger there were all these things I wanted to do: backpack Europe, go paragliding (also wanted to build an ultra lite and then fly it...) and bunches of other things. I was just looking at the list of things I wanted to do when I was in 7th or 8th grade, and scuba diving wasn't on there although snorkeling was... scuba diving is pretty much snorkeling to the next level so I think I'll call it good.

Anyway, it's interesting how I came up with all these life experiences that I wanted to have, and getting into high school I honestly didn't think they would ever happen. How was I going to find the time, money, and people to make these goals happen? And somehow in the face of education my adventurous goals seemed unrealistic and impractical. Yet I've somehow managed to accomplish an appreciable number and will add quite a few this summer. I mentioned him before, but Randy Pauch is awesome and if you have some extra time you should watch his last lecture. In the post I linked to I mentioned that I didn't really think I could fulfill childhood dreams as I never thought I had any. But I think I already have. And am. Fulfilling childhood dreams that is.

If you're like me and think your life is extraordinarily dull and that what you're doing is entirely disconnected from where you want to be well... maybe you're right, I don't know. But remember the gap between extraordinary and extra ordinary is probably not as large as you think.

One ticket at a time, as case may be.

it's all new

Man, new semester. So exhausting. But I'm glad. Because as much as I love break, and would love to sleep in until noon everyday and not have to worry about much the rest of the day, there's something exhilarating about having accomplished something.

This week has been crazy so far, but I don't think necessarily in a bad way.

• I tried sushi . Also Dr. Pepper. And saw Garfield and Friends. And Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. All for the first time. Okay, so I might be getting started late on all those "essential life experiences," but at least I'm getting them in, right?
• I accidentally signed up for technical writing (a class for mainly chem and biochem majors, from what I can tell) instead of technical communication... Showed up to class to class full of seniors and super seniors, and let's just say I felt a little bit out of place.
• I'm taking an honors art history class... I can't say that I feel super comfortable there either. 
• Tonight I made banana oil in my o chem lab! I realize that I only signed up for 1 credit (which would means I only take it for half the semester), but I'm already kind of attached to that class, even though it is late at night. 

Hahahaha if only I had a phone like that....

• Tomorrow marks the day of my first scuba diving class. Words cannot tell you how excited I am. This class will make Fridays just that much more sweet. (You might not be surprised that I made the decision to take a Friday night class based on the assumption that I was going to have no social life this semester...).
• Last Sunday I made fudge! I think there's still some left, but I'm too lazy to go take a picture. Sorry guys. But the reason for that is that every year around Christmas my mom made fudge. This year, she didn't, and I didn't get around to it either while I was home. So I decided that I couldn't let that tradition die. And besides, fudge is delicious, and not all that difficult to make.
• OH! Also I played on not one, but five real pipe organs yesterday! Ah, so happy! Also two clavichords but those aren't nearly as fun. Playing a real organ makes me feel so powerful. It's wonderful. 
• Just as kind of a side note, not having 8 o'clock classes makes such a difference.

I've been thinking lately about what I want to do this summer. I applied to a couple of internships, and hopefully I'll apply to a couple more this weekend. But I'm not sure if that's what I want to do... I want to go and see places, and do things, and I feel like this is my one chance while I'm still in college. Before my sister got married, we always planned on backpacking Europe, and now I want to go but I have no one to go with. Sad day. 

a year in retrospect

Over break I went back to Lenape, and in some ways, it hardly seemed like things had changed from last year. Okay, so I didn't generally receive as many hugs in high school as I did that day visiting, but sitting next to one of my best friends it seemed possible that it was only last Friday that we were sitting together for lunch, drawing random pictures, and searching for the turtle animal crackers. (Because they're the best.) But it has been a whole year.

There are just a few of the cookies that I made for my sister's
wedding. And yes, I know that I am a fantastic photographer.
The angle was purposeful. (Maybe.)

Despite all the changes in my life, the winter break was for the most part the same. Dad losing at Monopoly (okay, he won... once), pigs in the blanket on Christmas eve, Christmas cards hung up on string in the living room... All of my family traditions brought the year full circle.

Although I try not to limit goal setting and reflection about how far I've come to this time of year, I think that it is suiting to think about the changes this past year brought to me--and about the changes this new year will bring.

This past year...

• I learned that, despite what I was taught in high school (sorry Newton), physics is amazing. The universe is incredibly complex and the mystery of how everything ties together continues to intrigue me. Speaking of which, I just bought a new book about physics! (Okay, so it was this year not last, but minor details...).

It has all these recreational experiments that I'm excited to try out.
One of them's boiling water in snow! (Although obviously
that's chemistry, not physics.... duh.)

• I graduated from high school! Woot! Also started going to college (gasp!) and started my own blog.
• Traveled to Europe for the second time ever, the first time that I can ever remember. Let's just say that the Mona Lisa is a bit of a disappointment, but the Eiffel tower...? Oh man.

Almost fit it into my backpack.
Almost, but not quite.

• I went through three jobs: Dunkin' Donuts, rame-hart instrument co., and now the research lab.
• I watched my sister get married to her best friend. (There was a point where I thought that person was me, but alas. There's no time to be sore about that now.)

See, I'm super strong!

• I applied for internships! Oh wait, I was going to, but then I didn't get to that until... oh, about four hours ago. 
• I learned to appreciate a crunchy leaf to a new extent. (Also recently discovered that snow is just as satisfyingly crunchy, and the chances of getting a good crunch out of snow are much higher than finding a non-soggy leaf to crunch. Just so you know.)
• I learned how to play the organ! Formally, anyway.
• Somehow managed to attend college and not become poor. 

I can't say that a whole lot has changed now that it's 2013, but hopefully some new (good) changes will come this year. I'm really excited for this new semester; I'm taking 10 classes which I know sounds like a lot, but most of them are easier classes. Like scuba diving! Words cannot express to you how excited I am for that class. 

So I'm guessing that this semester will be a little bit more challenging than last (obviously because of that really tough scuba diving class...), but hopefully I'll still have time to post here, bake cookies, sleep sufficiently... and get an internship this summer! I almost didn't apply to any because the lazy part of me told me it would be fine to work another summer at Dunkin' Donuts, but then I did anyway and I'm really glad I did. Although I still have five or so more places I want to apply to. 

As for some resolutions...

• Be more open to people and new ideas.
• Read more frequently.
• Spend less time distracted.

A perfect example of me being distracted.
My apologies for making you see that.
Also sorry for the weird effects. I couldn't figure out how to
change them.

• Go to bed earlier (great, already breaking that one... it's 1am right now), and don't fight waking up in the morning.
• Learn how to make some real food. (Enough noodles, seriously.)

waking up

I used to always wonder how people could sleep through multiple alarms; how people could sleep in until three in the afternoon without even realizing it; how people could fall asleep in the strangest, awkwardest ways, even standing up. Now, I understand. Often, waking up is the toughest part of my morning. My mind becomes a fine-tuned calculator, ready to figure out precisely how much extra time in bed I can spend before I absolutely must wake up. My hand becomes quicker than a frog's tongue going for a fly in hitting the snooze button after the alarm goes off--the first time, and the seventh. As if waking up once isn't bad enough, sometimes I'll convince myself that taking a nap is a suitable compromise, satiating my ever present desire to sleep.

I don't know how I came to be in this sleep crisis, but here I am. I really do sleep enough; I consistently sleep seven to eight hours a day, but yet my body always cries for more. I thought it was just a college thing; you know, finding the energy to get off of the top bunk in the morning can be pretty tough. But then I went home for break (sorry I haven't posted in so long... it's one of those things where I couldn't compel myself to write anything even though I was never doing anything important and I always find time to post even when I'm super busy during school), and it was the same thing, except worse. Since there was never any time that I had to be up by, I'd become conscious around nine, only to decide that another two hours of sleep was much preferable.

I get it, it's break. But still. Seriously Jenalyn, get things under control. Spending half the day sleeping is a little bit... insane.

I think it was something that I read over break, but I was thinking about how horrible I am at waking up, but how there's not really any reason for me to be. Okay, sure, waking up is tough. But my toes don't freeze off getting out of bed. There's food in the fridge/cabinet for breakfast. I have lots of reasons to be really ecstatic about waking up every morning. But I'm not.

I wish I could look that adorable when I sleep...

And that's because it's easy to forget. It's easy to get caught up in the warmth and safety of the covers every morning, in their protection from the cold, from the harsh realities of life.

But just as waking up in the morning is essential, confronting challenges, exploring new possibilities, and taking the initiative to do something--anything--are also important. Often I find myself being lulled into a sense of security as I try to convince myself that a dull, monotonous job is the one I seek after, that busy work is the best kind of homework, all so that I don't have to exert myself mentally or physically. But I know that in the long run, I don't want to come home after a couple of easy classes to sleep some more. I want to be challenged; I want to have long days of classes and come home exhausted, but invigorated and inspired to think differently and be a better person.

So wake up. Take that leap of faith that the rest of the day is going to be better than the glorious hours in bed.

finding energy

I feel like I'm not doing enough; that I'm just going through the motions and not going anywhere. Before I went to college what I wanted to do in general was pretty clear, but now I'm stuck up on all the nit-picky things and I don't know what specifically is best for me right now, and what the best ways for me to spend my time are. I want to join clubs, to find an internship, to do all of these things that I know I'll enjoy and be glad I did later, but I can't seem to be able to overcome that energy barrier of starting, of taking the time to look for internships and fill out the applications; to find out what clubs there are and figure out how to join, etc., etc.

But this is not just a concerted reaction (aka it happens all in one step), where once I overcome that initial energy barrier it's all downhill, I continually have to input energy to do the things that I think will be worthwhile, and so I don't think I can say that I've done all I've wanted to so far this year.

Probably have been doing too much chemistry lately...

I guess what I'm saying, is that lately I've been having a tough time motivating myself to do everything I need to do, and then everything I want to do. And then, sometimes, I'm simply not even sure what I do want.

BUT, on a bright side, tomorrow is Friday, and then the next week is Thanksgiving! I am so excited to have some time off of school. Other than weekends the last day off from school was Memorial day. Needless to say, I think I could benefit from a break.

a bucket list of sorts

I like lists. I like them a lot. I also like goals.

But first, let me explain. You've most likely heard of The Bucket List, perhaps you've even made one. But maybe you haven't heard of Randy Pausch. He's a professor, was a professor rather, at CMU, a fantastic university with tartan as the school color (aka Carnegie Melon). One of my friends is going there actually. But anyway, he (Randy Pausch) only had a certain amount of time to live, and so he gave a last lecture, one on achieving childhood dreams. I usually don't post videos because somehow I have managed not to get addicted to YouTube or pinterest or Facebook (okay, well, that one might be different), although things like this tend to amuse (and distract) me.... Anyway, I know this video is especially long, but if you have time I'd recommend watching it.

Anyway, I agree with him in that setting goals and accomplishing them is important, but I don't think it's necessarily vital to fulfill childhood dreams. I honestly can't remember what I wanted to do when I was little, all I know is that I was surprised at where my life lead me in high school. So it's important to be flexible, and not so rigid in following goals that were made long before that opportunities are missed. And by that, I mean that whatever I aspired to do when I was little probably won't happen. Especially since I can't remember what I wanted to do. Whoops.

Okay. Now for the list. Here's a bucket list of sorts of what I want to do in college

• Go on an impromptu road trip
• Take an online class or take a class with independent study
• Meet the president of the university
• Attend general conference in the conference center
• Start a club
• Pull two all-nighters in one week
• Sleep in until at least 3PM
• Learn how to cook (left with no clear definition on purpose)
• Pull a prank (like this. Heh.)
• Explore all the buildings on campus
• Participate in research that is published
• Learn how to ski
• Make a crazy small budget and keep it for at least a month. What I mean by this is mostly referring to the idea of living off of $30 for food for a month or some similar experience, mostly just to see if I can do it. (Really, go look at that link. It's interesting.)
• Live like a missionary for a week (go to bed by 10, wake up by 6, no Facebook, etc.)
• Run a 5K
• Make a palindrome
• Climb a mountain
• Work as a TA/writings fellow
• Go out to lunch with a professor
• Stay up all night talking to someone
• Make the dean's list
• Backpack through Europe/Study abroad

And there's more. So many more.