fighting fear

I think as humans we often tend to fear, and particularly fear the unknown. The future, the difficult, the unexpected and the unpreventable are all victims of our worry--and our fear. Anxiety can be good--if it motivates us to be better; however, often fear and self-doubt can lead to inaction, passively fighting against change. When this passive fight against change prevents necessary life progress from being made this seems to become somewhat counter intuitive, although sometimes I find myself falling into these traps as well. Shouldn't we be fearing more the consequences of our inaction than the consequences of our actions? Isn't the prospect of never getting a job worse than the thought of being rejected from various positions? Isn't the thought of just having to live without knowing enough to act as motivation? "It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed" (Theodore Roosevelt).

To me it's really amazing how much college changes things--I continually am presented with opportunities which I never imagined I'd be confronted with, let alone able to embrace. Most recently was my decision to travel to Nepal this summer for two weeks. A five day trek through the Himalayas. Sight-seeing in a foreign country--without my family. Over three days of flight time. I never would have imagined this, even just a month ago. But yet it's going to happen.

This is the view from Pool Hill (which I will be climbing this
summer) of some Himalayan peaks.

Am I scared? Of course. I hardly feel like I'm prepared in the most basic aspects, such as having a good backpack for trekking or broken in shoes, or being able to cover difficult terrain over extended periods of time, let alone feeling prepared for some of the tougher aspects. Dealing with a completely foreign culture, their people, and their language, and figuring out issues such as money, cold showers, etc. Handling international travel on my own and adjusting to time differences as well as altitude differences. Being without much modern technology which allows me to get in contact regularly with those I care about. Does it scare me? Yes, yes it does, but I can't--and I won't--let my fear talk me out of this great opportunity.

I have never been a procrastinator, and I won't put off foreign travel right now just because maybe I'm young, or maybe I should earn a little bit more money. To me it all comes down to the fact that I have no idea if I will ever be able to go to Nepal again. I might never have a chance to come across the great majesty of the Himalayas again. So I will put aside my fear and embrace the moment.

Quite simply, I am going to go.

it's all new

Man, new semester. So exhausting. But I'm glad. Because as much as I love break, and would love to sleep in until noon everyday and not have to worry about much the rest of the day, there's something exhilarating about having accomplished something.

This week has been crazy so far, but I don't think necessarily in a bad way.

• I tried sushi . Also Dr. Pepper. And saw Garfield and Friends. And Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. All for the first time. Okay, so I might be getting started late on all those "essential life experiences," but at least I'm getting them in, right?
• I accidentally signed up for technical writing (a class for mainly chem and biochem majors, from what I can tell) instead of technical communication... Showed up to class to class full of seniors and super seniors, and let's just say I felt a little bit out of place.
• I'm taking an honors art history class... I can't say that I feel super comfortable there either. 
• Tonight I made banana oil in my o chem lab! I realize that I only signed up for 1 credit (which would means I only take it for half the semester), but I'm already kind of attached to that class, even though it is late at night. 

Hahahaha if only I had a phone like that....

• Tomorrow marks the day of my first scuba diving class. Words cannot tell you how excited I am. This class will make Fridays just that much more sweet. (You might not be surprised that I made the decision to take a Friday night class based on the assumption that I was going to have no social life this semester...).
• Last Sunday I made fudge! I think there's still some left, but I'm too lazy to go take a picture. Sorry guys. But the reason for that is that every year around Christmas my mom made fudge. This year, she didn't, and I didn't get around to it either while I was home. So I decided that I couldn't let that tradition die. And besides, fudge is delicious, and not all that difficult to make.
• OH! Also I played on not one, but five real pipe organs yesterday! Ah, so happy! Also two clavichords but those aren't nearly as fun. Playing a real organ makes me feel so powerful. It's wonderful. 
• Just as kind of a side note, not having 8 o'clock classes makes such a difference.

I've been thinking lately about what I want to do this summer. I applied to a couple of internships, and hopefully I'll apply to a couple more this weekend. But I'm not sure if that's what I want to do... I want to go and see places, and do things, and I feel like this is my one chance while I'm still in college. Before my sister got married, we always planned on backpacking Europe, and now I want to go but I have no one to go with. Sad day. 

my double rainbow

Since my older sister is getting married in a little less than a month, I figured I should get my (gasp!) bridesmaid dress. The only requirement? Grey and knee length. Not too bad, right? That's what I thought too, but it turns out grey dresses (that aren't extremely expensive, fit me, and are a decent length) are terribly hard to find.

Today I went to the University Mall, and went to every single store (with women's clothing, at least 15, I swear) looking for that dress. I looked through every dress rack, tried on every grey dress I could find (even some that looked like they were grey but I think they were really navy...) and was about to give up after about three hours of searching. With maybe two or three clothing stores left, I gave American Eagle a try, and, low and behold, there was my dress! I almost didn't try it on; the tag had a size larger than what I generally wore, and the price was more than what I wanted to pay. But, looking up, I saw a clearance sign, 40% off! Luckily, I did try it on, and not only did it fit, but it also only cost about half the price I thought it was going to be, even with clearance.

That's more or less how I will look wearing it...

So, things were shaping up, and I was optimistic even though it was late afternoon, and I was hungry and in need of a bathroom stop. Then I step outside, ready for the long journey home. And it's pouring. Undeterred, I pull out my umbrella. But still, I have two miles to trek home, and the wind is blowing  right towards my so me umbrella is not really all that effective. I walk along, desperately hoping some kind (and not at all creepy) soul will offer me a ride. No such luck.

I'm slogging along in my now wet shoes and I happen to glance up and see the sun shining through the rain. Oh hey, say I (not out loud of course), a monkey's uncle! and then I continue on (I don't care what other people say, but a monkey's uncle is when it's raining and the sun is shining). But then, a couple of minutes later, I happen to glance up again, and see a double rainbow. Full over the sky too! I may or may not have burst out into song about then...

So. Much. Physics. I love it.
(Just want to clarify and say that that's not the rainbow I saw.
Random picture off the web. You know.)

I don't know if you've ever seen a double rainbow, but they are about the best thing ever. If you have, you may have noticed that it's darker in between the two bows, and lighter underneath, and that the second bow is opposite, as in red on the inside band, and blue/violet is on the outside. Walter Lewin gives a whole lecture on it! He's my hero. You might enjoy rainbows right now, but I guarantee that you'll appreciate them that much more if you watch this lecture. 

all I want for Christmas

I need to visit Australia. ASAP.

I found this picture on Astronomy Picture of the Day. I honestly can't understand how this picture cannot inspire awe. Science is beautiful, even when it's not understood. Just looking at the picture you can see a moon bow, a plane (lame, I know. It's the horizontal streak in the middle), a meteor (the vertical streak), and a band of the milky way. And that's just such a small part of the wonders this universe holds. 

Thierry Legault: Meteor and Moonbow over Wallaman Falls

I would gladly give up the conveniences of the suburbs to live in the country if there were night skies like this. Right now I live in a city, and while the mountains certainly are beautiful and I love having extended family and grocery stores nearby, I wish it was easier to see the night sky. I absolutely love the stars, for the physics I do know about them, and for the mystery that they will appear, all extended in front of my wondering eyes on a clear night.

National Geographic: Our Vanishing Night

Call me whatever you will for putting yet another picture of the night sky up, but I just can't help it. Sometimes the harsh, bright lights that are lit at night make me feel stifled, and I need the stars to reassure me that the universe is going to continue on in its course without me, and to encourage me to take charge of the things that I do have control over in my life. I need the stars to force me to take a break from my normal routines and just lie down in humble awe.

Although the sky is available to all, how many of us can truthfully say that we have experienced the full extent of the grandeur of the night sky?

I'll put that on my bucket list.