it's October

It's funny, I come here, and suddenly I don't know what to say when people ask me what I like to do in my spare time. I guess it's a little bit less true now, since I've had some time to get in the flow of things, but right when I got here I was tongue tied whenever anyone asked me what I like to do for fun. All the things I did in high school such as mock trial, band, quiz bowl, oompah band in German Folk Club, Interact, marching band... I don't do them any more. And even less structured activities such as baking or playing with my little brothers or just sitting down at the piano and having fun with a piece... I can't exactly do  those things any more. Or rather, now they take effort.

I don't want it to sound like I'm having an identity crisis... I'm not. I myself know who I am, and I know where I want to be, and more or less how I want to get there. It's just... I don't know how to define myself to other people any more. I don't really feel like an engineer yet; in fact, at this point, I probably would classify myself as more of a scientist. And I'm not just a math/science person. I really enjoy music, reading, meeting new people, and learning in general.

My AP bio teacher in high school said that one characteristic people generally don't list when asked to describe themselves is happy. I am most certainly happy. There are always stressful moments, or days, or times when the seemingly only solution is crying, and I have experienced those feelings -- quite a bit more than usual -- here in college. But, whenever I'm feeling down, or stressed out, or overwhelmed, something good happens, or I lift my head up and see something really amazing. Maybe I'll understand the physics homework right away, or practicing organ will really calm me down and put somethings in perspective. Maybe someone will smile at me, I'll find a rainbow and I'll know how it works, or I'll see someone I know on campus.

One day as I was heading from writing to orgo, I had my head down, and was probably stressed, thinking about how I was going to accomplish all that had to be done that day, but I wasn't exactly upset. And then someone asked me if I was okay. While everything was fine, it was reassuring to know that there are people -- even complete strangers -- who are looking out for me. My Book of Mormon teacher told us last week that "it's almost October." It's almost that time where people start to get really stressed out, and life in general gets crazy - if it wasn't already. He told us about one of his students who had to leave halfway through the semester; his roommate had committed suicide, and he hadn't noticed because he was too caught up in his bubble.

As attractive as your bubble might be, get out of it. 

I don't know about everyone else, but when I have a lot to do and I feel that I can't afford to be unfocused, I withdraw into my own personal sphere, and it's really hard to penetrate it. I was doing homework over at friend's apartment the other day, and his roommate kept talking to me, and while I heard every single word he said, I can't say that I really listened. Although that might be good for my homework, I know that there are other things other than grades that are really important too, and perhaps even more so. So far this semester I have been trying really hard to keep myself aware of everything that is outside of my bubble. There are children out there. There are people that need my friendship. There are worthwhile ways to spend my time that don't always involve doing homework or studying. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's October already. Watch that you don't get too caught up in your bubble.