phobic

This is the third time I've tried to start writing this post. And I don't think it's because it's early in the morning already (and I haven't gone to bed yet), although that might contribute, but it's more because I don't even know how to talk about guys. Because I (almost) never do.

Let me start out by saying that I'm not phobic to guys. Over 80% of the people in my major are guys. One of my closest friends is of the gender in question. And a lot of the friends I've made here at college are also of that gender. In fact, I often get along with guys better, just because there tend to be a lot more guys who are scientifically minded and can relate to me when I make awkward nerd jokes or talk about optimizing my path home. Although like my physics teacher said about guys in engineering/math/science fields, "the odds are good but the goods are odd."

Dude. She's not even touching you.

I'm not phobic to guys. I'm phobic to relationships. Ever since my sister became engaged, I've been a little bit wary of relationships. Which is not to say that I had any reason to be, since it's not like I've been asked out on a whole lot of dates, but still, there lies in the back of my head that nagging fear, telling me that if I ever start to date someone, it's going to get serious, and they I'm going to get married. And I don't want to get married. Not yet anyway. I'm too attached to having every aspect of my life exactly the way I want it. Also I like being alone too much.

But even more than relationships, I'm afraid of meeting someone who will change my mind. Call me crazy, but it could happen, and at BYU it happens all the time. That's what happened to my sister after all.

Speaking of my sister, a friend and I decorated the car of my sister and her husband at long last! We were going to do it on their wedding day, but then there were various obstacles to be overcome. Well, mainly lack of window paint. Let me tell you this, window paint has a tough time when it's cold outside. Balloons, streamers, window paint... the whole shebang. And the best part? Googly eyes on magnets. Hah. Best idea ever. (Can't remember if that was my idea or not, but I will gladly take credit.)