if only every day could be like this...

Hah. So this weekend I was going to write a post about how this semester I'm too busy with school stuff that I forget how to be social during the weekends which is dumb. Sometimes people--and relationships--are absolutely an enigma to me, and I'm utterly perplexed as to how to go about unraveling them. Which is why I sometimes prefer school work, because I know how to go about solving math and chemistry problems.

But I can't really rant right now because I'm obnoxiously happy. Ahhhh. First, it's Monday, which means that I'm done with class at 3, which I know doesn't sound all that early, but it is for me. It seemed almost strange to be walking home when it was still daylight out. Anyway, here's what I came back to:

My mom is so talented!

This was supposed to be a graduation present, but I almost love it more because getting it now means getting a giant box in the mail. Which honestly is the best. Also bubble wrap. How can I say no?

And guess what else? Rhetorical question, by the way. Although most people just say "what?!" which isn't even a guess as to what happened. But minor details. This summer I'm going on a study abroad trip to Scotland and Ireland! So excited. I really just want to go explore all of the castles...

I'm not exactly a romantic, but how can you not fall in love
with that?

I'm so glad I finally know what I'm doing with my summer now. Pshhh, internships, you can wait. I'm really excited that I'll get to go home too; I just love my family so much. And hopefully I'll get to hike some of the Appalachian trail with them (them referring to the older people in my family).

Man, I just want to look at pictures of castles all day and never do homework. But tomorrow I have a test, a lab report due, math homework to do, an art quiz, research to work on, and so much more... Must get back to reality.

But just as sort of a side note I suppose, the graduate student that I'm working with on research just sent me the draft of his abstract, and almost all of it directly deals with the project I'm working with right now; I feel so important! My project this semester is really interesting, but I think I'll hold back on explaining it here... 

not a cookie cutter life

One of my friends gave me cookie cutters for Christmas... they're my favorite. There's three different shapes--star, heart, and flower--and then there's different sizes that all fit inside of each other. I tried to find a rolling pin in the store... but no luck. So I used a make shift rolling pin. And by that, I mean I used the wood thing used to stand up the paper towels. Anyway, in other news, I love the weekends, if only for the chance that they give me to sleep in and make cookies.

Using my roommate's instagramed picture because I'm too
lazy to go take a picture myself...

I've been thinking a lot about how the way that I react to different situations is a lot different than the way that other people do, and how I interact with the world differently than most people. How I can stay on campus from 8:30am to 10 at night... and then do the same thing the next day and actually get some satisfaction out of it. How sometimes I don't know how to talk (although I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who has trouble talking...). How I feel drained after interacting with people too long. How I know the names of about two bands and three actors, just because I'm not really interested in learning the names of people I'm never going to meet.

In my global leadership class lately we've been talking about personality types. My teacher had us take the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), which determines personal preferences in interacting with other people and situations. It's interesting how our personalities can explain so much about why people do the things that they do. For example, I don't like prolonged social interaction because I'm an introvert.

I just want to say here that I do get out... sometimes. Tonight I went to a dance. And last week I did too actually. And then I went to a club... and let's just say it's not my thing. I just don't really like to be in big group settings. Lots of times they make me lonely, which might seem counter intuitive because if you're around lots of people you shouldn't be lonely... right? But not really. It's when I'm around all of these people that I don't really know that well and they're (presumably) having fun. And I'm not. And I feel like none of them will be able to understand me, and I can't ever find out because the music's playing too loud and I'm lost. One in a crowd.

Which is why I prefer small groups. I like to be seen as an individual. And I like to see other people as individuals as well, not just as their outward appearance.

Sorry for thinking so much, but the other day I was thinking about what high school students might aspire to I suppose to do when they're "crazy and in college." I'm sure you've already caught on, but my crazy is something completely different than most people's. My "crazy and in college" is more of a "crazy about college." It's not going half way. It's seeking out new experiences.

Just a bit of a side note on that, I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to be doing this summer, and I've been playing around with a lot of ideas in my head. I feel like this summer is going to be one of the last where I can really do whatever I want without feeling confined to getting an internship, or being financially forced into getting a job--or multiple jobs. Although a job is always nice. I don't care so much what I do or where I go so long as it's something new. I applied for some internships; I'll apply for some more this weekend. And then I've been looking at camp counselor jobs, and study abroad opportunities. I'm the type of person who really likes to have things planned out, and to not know where I'm going to be living in a little over three months bothers me, but I'm trying to embrace the uncertainty. Because most times life doesn't allow you to plan things out.

I feel like I've let this post go everywhere, which is really bothersome. There's nothing worse than a rambling post with no theme. But there is! I am different, whether by my personality or my experiences. And the same is true for everyone else. There are no cookie cutter people.

Unless, you know, there are a lot of cookie cutters. And they're
all really awesome. Then it's totally possible.

ten thousand

Initially, ten thousand probably seems like a lot. At least to me it does. But is it?

Ten thousand molecules are insignificant almost all cases, unless you're talking about the number of poison molecules in the air. Then you might be out of luck. The *average* person takes ten thousand breaths in just over eight hours. Ten thousand dollars at most universities might get you housing and food for a semester, and that's if you're lucky. 

But 10,000 hours? That's a lot. 10,000 hours of jail time would be well over a year. Assuming eight hours of sleep a night, it would take you almost three and a half years to accumulate 10,000 hours of sleep time. Even for babies, who spend over half the day sleeping, it would take well over two years. But 10,000 hours is the amount of time that you need to spend on a to gain mastery, or so says Malcolm Gladwell, author of Outliers. You might be surprised, because I'm reading a book that's not physics related. Yes, I do do that occasionally.

I really, really like Outliers and I don't think I'm crazy for thinking so (like you might think I am for enjoying books about physics). If you're not entirely opposed to reading nonfiction, I would definitely recommend Outliers. I have some qualifications for what makes a good book:

1. It has to have application to real life, even if it isn't necessarily realistic. Which is why I generally don't like romances because they're all so... unlikely. 
2. Said book makes me think/change my perspective about a certain topic.
3. Well-written. Good books make me want to keep reading. 

Outliers will make you think differently about what it means to be successful. I promise.

As a side note, here's one of my weekend accomplishments:

Om nom nom.

it's all new

Man, new semester. So exhausting. But I'm glad. Because as much as I love break, and would love to sleep in until noon everyday and not have to worry about much the rest of the day, there's something exhilarating about having accomplished something.

This week has been crazy so far, but I don't think necessarily in a bad way.

• I tried sushi . Also Dr. Pepper. And saw Garfield and Friends. And Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure. All for the first time. Okay, so I might be getting started late on all those "essential life experiences," but at least I'm getting them in, right?
• I accidentally signed up for technical writing (a class for mainly chem and biochem majors, from what I can tell) instead of technical communication... Showed up to class to class full of seniors and super seniors, and let's just say I felt a little bit out of place.
• I'm taking an honors art history class... I can't say that I feel super comfortable there either. 
• Tonight I made banana oil in my o chem lab! I realize that I only signed up for 1 credit (which would means I only take it for half the semester), but I'm already kind of attached to that class, even though it is late at night. 

Hahahaha if only I had a phone like that....

• Tomorrow marks the day of my first scuba diving class. Words cannot tell you how excited I am. This class will make Fridays just that much more sweet. (You might not be surprised that I made the decision to take a Friday night class based on the assumption that I was going to have no social life this semester...).
• Last Sunday I made fudge! I think there's still some left, but I'm too lazy to go take a picture. Sorry guys. But the reason for that is that every year around Christmas my mom made fudge. This year, she didn't, and I didn't get around to it either while I was home. So I decided that I couldn't let that tradition die. And besides, fudge is delicious, and not all that difficult to make.
• OH! Also I played on not one, but five real pipe organs yesterday! Ah, so happy! Also two clavichords but those aren't nearly as fun. Playing a real organ makes me feel so powerful. It's wonderful. 
• Just as kind of a side note, not having 8 o'clock classes makes such a difference.

I've been thinking lately about what I want to do this summer. I applied to a couple of internships, and hopefully I'll apply to a couple more this weekend. But I'm not sure if that's what I want to do... I want to go and see places, and do things, and I feel like this is my one chance while I'm still in college. Before my sister got married, we always planned on backpacking Europe, and now I want to go but I have no one to go with. Sad day. 

phobic

This is the third time I've tried to start writing this post. And I don't think it's because it's early in the morning already (and I haven't gone to bed yet), although that might contribute, but it's more because I don't even know how to talk about guys. Because I (almost) never do.

Let me start out by saying that I'm not phobic to guys. Over 80% of the people in my major are guys. One of my closest friends is of the gender in question. And a lot of the friends I've made here at college are also of that gender. In fact, I often get along with guys better, just because there tend to be a lot more guys who are scientifically minded and can relate to me when I make awkward nerd jokes or talk about optimizing my path home. Although like my physics teacher said about guys in engineering/math/science fields, "the odds are good but the goods are odd."

Dude. She's not even touching you.

I'm not phobic to guys. I'm phobic to relationships. Ever since my sister became engaged, I've been a little bit wary of relationships. Which is not to say that I had any reason to be, since it's not like I've been asked out on a whole lot of dates, but still, there lies in the back of my head that nagging fear, telling me that if I ever start to date someone, it's going to get serious, and they I'm going to get married. And I don't want to get married. Not yet anyway. I'm too attached to having every aspect of my life exactly the way I want it. Also I like being alone too much.

But even more than relationships, I'm afraid of meeting someone who will change my mind. Call me crazy, but it could happen, and at BYU it happens all the time. That's what happened to my sister after all.

Speaking of my sister, a friend and I decorated the car of my sister and her husband at long last! We were going to do it on their wedding day, but then there were various obstacles to be overcome. Well, mainly lack of window paint. Let me tell you this, window paint has a tough time when it's cold outside. Balloons, streamers, window paint... the whole shebang. And the best part? Googly eyes on magnets. Hah. Best idea ever. (Can't remember if that was my idea or not, but I will gladly take credit.)

a year in retrospect

Over break I went back to Lenape, and in some ways, it hardly seemed like things had changed from last year. Okay, so I didn't generally receive as many hugs in high school as I did that day visiting, but sitting next to one of my best friends it seemed possible that it was only last Friday that we were sitting together for lunch, drawing random pictures, and searching for the turtle animal crackers. (Because they're the best.) But it has been a whole year.

There are just a few of the cookies that I made for my sister's
wedding. And yes, I know that I am a fantastic photographer.
The angle was purposeful. (Maybe.)

Despite all the changes in my life, the winter break was for the most part the same. Dad losing at Monopoly (okay, he won... once), pigs in the blanket on Christmas eve, Christmas cards hung up on string in the living room... All of my family traditions brought the year full circle.

Although I try not to limit goal setting and reflection about how far I've come to this time of year, I think that it is suiting to think about the changes this past year brought to me--and about the changes this new year will bring.

This past year...

• I learned that, despite what I was taught in high school (sorry Newton), physics is amazing. The universe is incredibly complex and the mystery of how everything ties together continues to intrigue me. Speaking of which, I just bought a new book about physics! (Okay, so it was this year not last, but minor details...).

It has all these recreational experiments that I'm excited to try out.
One of them's boiling water in snow! (Although obviously
that's chemistry, not physics.... duh.)

• I graduated from high school! Woot! Also started going to college (gasp!) and started my own blog.
• Traveled to Europe for the second time ever, the first time that I can ever remember. Let's just say that the Mona Lisa is a bit of a disappointment, but the Eiffel tower...? Oh man.

Almost fit it into my backpack.
Almost, but not quite.

• I went through three jobs: Dunkin' Donuts, rame-hart instrument co., and now the research lab.
• I watched my sister get married to her best friend. (There was a point where I thought that person was me, but alas. There's no time to be sore about that now.)

See, I'm super strong!

• I applied for internships! Oh wait, I was going to, but then I didn't get to that until... oh, about four hours ago. 
• I learned to appreciate a crunchy leaf to a new extent. (Also recently discovered that snow is just as satisfyingly crunchy, and the chances of getting a good crunch out of snow are much higher than finding a non-soggy leaf to crunch. Just so you know.)
• I learned how to play the organ! Formally, anyway.
• Somehow managed to attend college and not become poor. 

I can't say that a whole lot has changed now that it's 2013, but hopefully some new (good) changes will come this year. I'm really excited for this new semester; I'm taking 10 classes which I know sounds like a lot, but most of them are easier classes. Like scuba diving! Words cannot express to you how excited I am for that class. 

So I'm guessing that this semester will be a little bit more challenging than last (obviously because of that really tough scuba diving class...), but hopefully I'll still have time to post here, bake cookies, sleep sufficiently... and get an internship this summer! I almost didn't apply to any because the lazy part of me told me it would be fine to work another summer at Dunkin' Donuts, but then I did anyway and I'm really glad I did. Although I still have five or so more places I want to apply to. 

As for some resolutions...

• Be more open to people and new ideas.
• Read more frequently.
• Spend less time distracted.

A perfect example of me being distracted.
My apologies for making you see that.
Also sorry for the weird effects. I couldn't figure out how to
change them.

• Go to bed earlier (great, already breaking that one... it's 1am right now), and don't fight waking up in the morning.
• Learn how to make some real food. (Enough noodles, seriously.)

waking up

I used to always wonder how people could sleep through multiple alarms; how people could sleep in until three in the afternoon without even realizing it; how people could fall asleep in the strangest, awkwardest ways, even standing up. Now, I understand. Often, waking up is the toughest part of my morning. My mind becomes a fine-tuned calculator, ready to figure out precisely how much extra time in bed I can spend before I absolutely must wake up. My hand becomes quicker than a frog's tongue going for a fly in hitting the snooze button after the alarm goes off--the first time, and the seventh. As if waking up once isn't bad enough, sometimes I'll convince myself that taking a nap is a suitable compromise, satiating my ever present desire to sleep.

I don't know how I came to be in this sleep crisis, but here I am. I really do sleep enough; I consistently sleep seven to eight hours a day, but yet my body always cries for more. I thought it was just a college thing; you know, finding the energy to get off of the top bunk in the morning can be pretty tough. But then I went home for break (sorry I haven't posted in so long... it's one of those things where I couldn't compel myself to write anything even though I was never doing anything important and I always find time to post even when I'm super busy during school), and it was the same thing, except worse. Since there was never any time that I had to be up by, I'd become conscious around nine, only to decide that another two hours of sleep was much preferable.

I get it, it's break. But still. Seriously Jenalyn, get things under control. Spending half the day sleeping is a little bit... insane.

I think it was something that I read over break, but I was thinking about how horrible I am at waking up, but how there's not really any reason for me to be. Okay, sure, waking up is tough. But my toes don't freeze off getting out of bed. There's food in the fridge/cabinet for breakfast. I have lots of reasons to be really ecstatic about waking up every morning. But I'm not.

I wish I could look that adorable when I sleep...

And that's because it's easy to forget. It's easy to get caught up in the warmth and safety of the covers every morning, in their protection from the cold, from the harsh realities of life.

But just as waking up in the morning is essential, confronting challenges, exploring new possibilities, and taking the initiative to do something--anything--are also important. Often I find myself being lulled into a sense of security as I try to convince myself that a dull, monotonous job is the one I seek after, that busy work is the best kind of homework, all so that I don't have to exert myself mentally or physically. But I know that in the long run, I don't want to come home after a couple of easy classes to sleep some more. I want to be challenged; I want to have long days of classes and come home exhausted, but invigorated and inspired to think differently and be a better person.

So wake up. Take that leap of faith that the rest of the day is going to be better than the glorious hours in bed.